What Jim Hawkins Did to Me

Dear NIS Community,

I am an alumna of NIS. I attended in the mid-70s. Though it’s painful for me to relive the following, after reading some of the comments on the NIS Survivors and NIS Alumni ‘70s-80’s pages, I realized that one of us needed to share the truth of what happened. I volunteered. It is my hope that by doing so, members of the NIS community will better understand what is at issue, what the NIS Survivors group is hoping to achieve, and why we have taken the steps we have.

During my time as a junior high school student at NIS, Jim Hawkins was my homeroom teacher, science instructor, and basketball coach. And, I was repeatedly sexually abused by him until I was almost 15 years old.

Hawkins started grooming me during my 7th grade year. He discovered that I had a difficult home life and realized that I was vulnerable.  At first, Hawkins provided me with the affection I longed for—showering me with compliments and praise.  He told me I was special — the smartest, most talented, most beautiful girl he had ever met.  And I believed him.

One night, while driving me home from babysitting his children, Hawkins parked his van–the “Blimp”–in the American Embassy compound’s circular driveway and kissed me on the mouth. He gradually increased his physical overtures. After I’d grown used to this, he asked me to tell my parents I was going to walk the dog but then secretly meet him at the back door of the Franciscan Chapel. There, Hawkins touched me all over my body and performed oral sex on me.

During NIS school dances, when Hawkins slow-danced with me, he would press his erect penis against my body. During trips to Kazuno, Hawkins had me sit in the front seat of the Blimp and lie sideways with my head in his lap. He would have me meet him at night and molested me in a secluded outdoors spot or one of the empty buildings. Hawkins regularly molested me in the back of the Blimp.

Hawkins began pressuring me to submit to sexual intercourse.  After several months, I finally capitulated to his demands.  I was 13 years old.  Afterward, I told him that he had hurt me and that I did not want to do that again.  Hawkins responded that sexual intercourse was “the only way you can truly show you love me.” He coerced me into sexual intercourse multiple times after this when I was 13 and 14 years old.

Hawkins never used birth control when he engaged in intercourse with me.  At first, he didn’t have to, since I had not yet started menstruating. When I finally did, Hawkins became concerned that he may have gotten me pregnant. Panicked, he drove me to a Japanese abortion clinic. When we arrived, he did not want to be seen going into the clinic with me, so he forced me to undergo the examination by myself.  I was 14. While it turned out I was not pregnant, the experience was horrible, confusing and humiliating.

As I neared 15 years of age, I realized what was happening with Hawkins did not feel “right.” I began avoiding him.  I graduated from 9th grade and never saw nor talked to him again.

I understand it can be difficult for some to hear that a trusted teacher and administrator from NIS could do such a thing.  But he did – I am real and my experiences are very real.  I – and the other members of the NIS Survivors group– have had to live with the very real impacts and aftermath of this sexual abuse for decades.

The members of our group felt we needed advocates to help us navigate the complicated situation.  We decided to work with Crew Janci LLP, because they are proven advocates for victims of child sexual abuse and were highly regarded by the ASIJ Sisters who had suffered through similar experiences.

On the advice of our advocates, we initiated our own investigation – separate and independent from the School.  This decision was based on our concern about the School’s first investigation into Hawkins.  Their investigation found that Hawkins groomed at least one student and likely acted inappropriately with others—and yet no further steps were taken to determine if he victimized other students and whether his behavior extended to sexual abuse.  The School’s initial investigation was limited to interviewing 5 witnesses (one of whom was Hawkins).  NIS should have moved beyond this initial investigation, including meaningful outreach to the many girls to whom Hawkins had access (to determine if the grooming behavior already known to the investigators had progressed to sexual abuse).  I, for one, never received any of the letters until a friend forwarded them to me.  We hope our investigation will provide a safe avenue for other victims to come forward.

We appreciate the support of our classmates who have spoken out in encouragement.  We also understand that not everyone will choose to support us.  However, we would ask that you respect the seriousness of our experiences and how difficult it is to come forward.  A victim’s decision whether or when to publicly share her identity is a very personal one.  We have careers, spouses, children, and parents – some of whom are not yet aware of the abuse we suffered.

My own mother does not know.

We also continue to struggle with the impacts of the abuse we suffered.  We did not choose to be abused and we feel we are justified in seeking truth and justice without subjecting ourselves to further trauma from being publicly “outed” (as some have demanded through social media).  Others have criticized us. If you look at the comments on both the Survivor and Alumni of the ‘70s-80s sites, there are only a few supportive ones (so far). That has been source of sorrow for us.

Thank you for reading about my experience.  Please remember that mine is just one story from among the NIS Survivors.  We truly appreciate the support that has been extended and we remain hopeful that, as difficult as this process is, we can all learn together from the past and make sure that NIS is a better, safer school for the current and future students.

With Hope for a Brighter Future,

A NIS Survivor

 

ホーキンズが私にしたこと

 

私は、1970年代に西町スクールに在学していた同窓生です。これから皆さまにお伝えすることは、私に起きた真実の話であり、こうしてお伝えすることも今なお、精神的苦痛を伴います。しかし、NIS Survivors, NIS Alumni 70’s80’s などのSNSメディアの書き込みを読み、当時起きたことの真相をお伝えする必要性を感じ、こうして出来事を開示することにいたしました。

 

西町スクールで当時、私が中学生であった時、ジム・ホーキンズは私の担任であり、科学の教員であり、またバスケットボール部のコーチでした。そのホーキンズによって、私は15歳まで性的暴行を受け続けました。

 

ホーキンズが私を「手なづけ」始めたのは中学一年生の時でした。彼は私の家庭がうまくいっていないこと、そのため、私が情緒的に不安定であることを知り、愛情不足だった私を、始めのうちは私がいかに特別な存在であり、賢く、才能に溢れ、美しいかなど、いつもたくさん褒めてくれました。

 

ある夜、彼の子供達の子守のアルバイトを終え, 彼の車(名称「ブリンプ」)で家に送ってもらっている途中のことでした。アメリカ大使館の宿舎の車寄せでいきなり唇にキスをしてきました。この日を境に、彼の私に対する身体的接触への欲求は徐々にエスカレートしていきました。こうした身体的接触に徐々に慣れさせられ、そのうちフランシスカン・チャペル・センターの裏口で落ち合うようになりました。両親には犬の散歩に行くと伝えるよう言われました。そこで彼は私の身体中をまさぐり、オーラル・セックスにも及びました。

 

学校で行われたダンスパーティーでスローダンスをすると、硬くなった下腹部を私の体に押し付けてきました。キャンプ(群馬県、鹿角)に向かう車中では、助手席で身体を横にさせられ、頭を彼の膝の上に乗せられました。夜は人気のない屋外や空き家に呼び出され、性的いたずらをされました。車(ブリンプ)の後部座席では定期的に性的いたずらをされていました。

 

彼はやがて性行為を要求するようになりました。数ヶ月後、彼の要求に応じました。当時、13歳でした。行為の後、私は「痛いからやめて、もうしたくない」と伝えました。すると彼は「(性行為)でしか私に対する愛を証明することはできない」と言ってきました。その後も13、14歳であった私は、数回、強制的に性行為を強いられました。

 

 

彼は私と性行為を行う際、避妊具を使うことはありませんでした。当初は、生理がまだなかったため、必要ありませんでした。しかし、生理が始まった後、ホーキンズは私が妊娠したのではないかと心配になり、私を産婦人科クリニックに車で連れて行きました。クリニックでは一緒に入るところを見られたくなかったのか、一人で検査を受けさせられました。この時、私は14歳でした。妊娠はしていなかったものの、この体験はひどく私を混乱させ、私の心に大きな傷跡を残しました。

 

15歳になる頃、ホーキンズとの関係に異常さを感じ始め、彼を避けるようになりました。中学を卒業した後は、ホーキンズに会ったり、話すことは二度とありませんでした。

 

これまで信頼されてきた学校の管理職でもあった教員がこのような行為に及んでいたことを知らされることは、多くの同窓生にとって辛いことだと思います。しかし、残念ながらこれは真実の出来事であり、私が体験したことは全て本当のことです。私、および私以外にもホーキンズの被害にあったNIS Survivor Groupのメンバー達は何十年もの間、ホーキンズが行った性的虐待による精神的苦痛を抱え続けてきました。

 

私たちは、この事件に終止符を打つために、専門家の協力を得る必要性を感じ、クルージャンシー法律事務所(Crew Janci LLP)の助言を得ることにしました。クルージャンシー法律事務所は、私たちと同様の苦しみを体験したASIJ Sisters(アメリカン・スクールの性的虐待被害者グループ)からも高く評価され、性的虐待の被害者から高い信頼を得ている法律事務所です。

 

クルージャンシーからの勧めもあり、学校が実施している調査とは別に、私たち独自の調査を行うことにしました。この決断は、それまで学校が行っていた調査の方法に不安を感じたからです。学校が行った調査の報告書では、ホーキンズは、最低一人の生徒を「手なづけ」、他の生徒たちに対しても不適切な行動をとった可能性があることを発表しましたが、そのことを検証したり、性的虐待に及んだかどうかを追及する調査を行いませんでした。(後に、この調査を依頼した被害女性が学校に対して調査の範囲を彼女のみに限定して欲しいと要請をしたと聞きましたが、それでもなおより踏み込んだ調査が実施されなかったことは疑問に感じます。調査はわずか5人の目撃者を対象に行われただけであり、そのうちの一人はホーキンズでした。) 学校が行った調査では、なぜホーキンズが接触をもったその他多くの女子生徒たちを対象にしなかったのでしょうか。(調査会社はすでに、ホーキンズが「手なづけ」ていた多数の女子生徒たちを把握していましたが、その後彼女たち対するホーキンズの行為が性的虐待に発展したかどうかの検証をしていません。) 私自身、友人から転送されるまで学校や調査会社からの手紙は一切受け取ったことはありませんでした。学校が初期調査を終えた後に、新たな情報を得て初めて (そして恐らく私たちの存在について知ると) 調査を再開させました。

 

私たちを応援、激励してくださった多くの同級生たちには心より感謝しています。一方で、全員が私たちの活動に賛同していただけるとは限らないということも理解しています。しかし、私たちが経験したことの深刻さ、そしてこうしてこれらの出来事を公表することの苦しさに対するご理解を得ることができれば幸いです。被害者が名前を公表することはプライバシーに関わることです。私たちの生活には皆様同様に、仕事先の関係者、伴侶、子供達、両親が存在します。そして彼ら・彼女たちは私たちが体験した虐待について知らされていません。

 

私の母も知らされていません。

 

そして、私たちは未だに虐待を体験したことによる心の傷が癒されていません。虐待されることを選んだわけではありません。サイトの読者より、実名を開示するようにと書き込みがありましたが、名前を開示することによって更なるトラウマに晒されることを避けたいと願っています。

 

私の体験をお読みいただき、ありがとうございます。私の体験は全てではなく、他にも被害にあった同窓生はいます。これまでに支えてくださった皆様には深く感謝しています。そして私たちは、共に過去の過ちから学び、西町スクールが今後の生徒たちにとってより安全で健全な学校になることを願って止みません。

 

明るい将来に願いを込めて。

 

NIS Survivorより

 

By |2018-06-20T11:56:15+00:00June 7th, 2018|NIS Survivors|10 Comments

10 Comments

  1. Shary June 8, 2018 at 3:29 pm - Reply

    dear NIS Survivor

    Thank you for having the courage to give your story. I work with MK Safety Net started to support Missionary Kids who were abused in the mission environment. We believe your story. We support you.

  2. Caroline Kachanovsky June 9, 2018 at 8:30 am - Reply

    I am so sorry for what you had to go through. I had no idea that Jim was Capable of such horrific things to a child. I just thought he was a cool down to earth teacher. I hope that whatever the outcome of this investigation brings, will heal some of the pain you had to go through. I know you will never forget, but,hopefully feel that some justice has been taken place for the crimes committed towards you and the other survivors.

  3. Tracy Drake June 11, 2018 at 9:25 pm - Reply

    I am horrified, ashamed it was allowed to happen, and deeply sorry about the whole terrible situation. What a monster Mr Hawkins is. I hope he is brought to justice and all the victims are able to heal. I cant even imagine the pain of having your childhood stolen. Please contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you.

  4. Brad McFarland June 14, 2018 at 4:32 am - Reply

    It’s about time! I complained to the Headmistress in 1974 about his inappropriate behavior with certain females in our class (one in particular) after he complained about my disruptive behavior in class, I was disruptive. I openly complained that he had obvious favoritism. Nobody listened to me…Thank you for coming forward with this. I am behind you all the way and willing to help, if I can. God bless you.

  5. Pilar Piedra June 18, 2018 at 8:19 pm - Reply

    You are so damn brave!
    I will do anything to help but my memory is horrible!
    XO Pilar

  6. Ann Rabinowitz Dantzig (ASIJ, 1973) June 20, 2018 at 3:32 pm - Reply

    I stand with you and the other NIS Survivors. I went to both Nishimachi and ASIJ. It breaks my heart to hear about these actions. You are courageous for coming forward. Good luck getting to some resolution. It may take many years. Hang in there.

  7. Mark Melnick June 20, 2018 at 9:26 pm - Reply

    I am sorry about what you had to endure and even to this date.
    I am NIS (70) and ASIJ graduate and feel ashamed and disappointed that adminitators ignored your warning signs by you and other students!
    I remember this teacher with positive experience but I guess his predatory behavior started in later years.

  8. Ellen M. Alger June 21, 2018 at 12:00 am - Reply

    Thank you for your courage to speak. I am saddened and horrified that you and others at. NIS suffered this type of abuse at the hands of a trusted teacher. I stand with you in your effort to bring this out into the open – I applaud your courage.

  9. Craig Derksen June 25, 2018 at 10:16 pm - Reply

    Dear Survivor, You and the other survivors who have come forward to confront Jim Hawkins are courageous beyond words! No one should have to suffer the way that you and the other victims have suffered, especially at that hands of a trusted teacher. I sincerely hope that Jim Hawkins is punished for what he has done, although no punishment could suffice for the harm he has done. You are and will remain in my thoughts! Lots of love, Craig

  10. Melissa Crabbe, class of 1979 June 29, 2018 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    I am so sorry you went through this but so glad you have shared your story. I want to say more but have no words. I learned about this website because I was recently contacted by an investigator looking into Jim Hawkins. I was not a target but my heart goes out to those who were. I know nothing can fix what happened but I hope that now that investigators are on it some kind of justice can be acheived. Thank you and all others who have come forward.

Leave A Comment